As I stated yesterday these posts are about to get very personal and this post is one of many that will reflect my thoughts about my personal issues. Yesterday I had one of the best conversations of my life with a person that I never thought I could open up to like that, not because I have an issue with them, but because I did not consider him to be close to me. I know see that I did the best thing I could have done, in a long time. My friend is not a therapist, but he sure did play that part. He listened to my issues and provided great insight at why I went through the things I did and why I still go through some unnecessary problems.
Our conversation was focusing on my past relationships, because I feel that I unknowingly sabotage myself and then have the nerve to get upset about it. We discussed why I thought it was; I thought I got into those situations because of naivety, but it went much deeper than that. The conclusion of the issue is that I had for self-esteem issues and some people will see that and draw themselves to it only to take advantage of you. (Keep in mind I am not just talking about love relationships, I am talking about relationships in general)At times, I give much of me to undeserving people and he explained to me that I should not do that. I understand that I have to be a whole person before I share myself with someone else, but the thought that I should hold some back never even crossed my mind. We sometimes are so giving and some people are so taking that by the time we realize what happened we are already hurt by the situation and have to just sit there and pick up the pieces.
The point I am currently at in life, is picking up pieces. I lost many so-called friends recently, but picked up some great, real, loving people that I feel genuinely care about me. They have no real benefit in dealing with me, besides actually getting to know me and sharing life with me. I sit back and see what some of my past associates are doing in their life and sometimes I cannot even believe that I used to deal with them and be just like them. There is no problem with people being the way they are. I am not here to say what they should/should not do in their lives, but I am saying I want more for myself and I am going to continue cutting away all the loose ends. I hope that they will understand I am not mad, nor acting funny, but sometimes in order for one to grow wise, they need to build deeper roots. They say the grass is greener on the other side, but it is not, the grass is greener where you water it and currently I am working on my lawn.
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